


with flowers and my love both never to come back

by ashintuku



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Force dreams, Force-Sensitive Padmé Amidala, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-11
Updated: 2016-10-11
Packaged: 2018-08-21 22:18:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 616
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8262367
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ashintuku/pseuds/ashintuku
Summary: She was coloured glass in sunlight, beautiful and breakable.





	

When he dreamt, he dreamt of the woman with flowers in her hair. 

She was beautiful in a tragic way, tears running down her face and blood running down the lines in her palms; the cracks in her hands. Her hair spilled out and over her shoulders in waves and waves of curls, and she cradled a pregnant stomach and watched him as her world set on fire. 

She always reached out to him, weeping and bleeding, and he always cringed away from her: afraid of her. 

He remembered when he was still Ben, still someone else's, and he dreamt of her the first time. She had been in yellow, and a smile was on her face; her hands clear of cracks and blood but her eyes tired, so tired. She spun around in a field of flowers, the grass crushed beneath her bare feet, and then a shadow would fall over her and she would turn and throw her arms around a tall youth; his face lined with anger and pain but his eyes clear with devotion. He wore dark robes, and he wrapped her up in them, hiding her from the rest of the world. The woman laughed and laughed and called him _Ani_ and called him _a silly thing_ and then she kissed him. 

Some dreams, she would be in a rainbow of silk, flowing like a flower in the water, and she reminded him of his mother when she was feeling gentle and soft. The woman trailed her hand over the still surface of a clear lake, and seemed to walk on water, before the shadow of the man would return and slowly she would sink into the deep, cool depths. When he was Ben, he had always reached out for her to try and save her; but she closed her eyes and lifted her head, a peaceful resignation that was his uncle in every way.

She was coloured glass in sunlight, beautiful and breakable. 

She was Naboo chrome and steel, magnificent and deadly and deceptively strong. Pastoral and pastel and pale, with a tsunami under her clear skin and dark, warm eyes filled with righteousness and justice and _goodness_. 

And then he destroyed the New Temple, killing apprentices and destroying his uncle's hopes and dreams. The woman twisted up in brown and beige and black, screaming with bruises along the pale column of her throat, her belly swollen with promises and death wishes. She screamed _'don't go where I can't follow'_ and _'you're breaking my heart'_ and he coldly turned away, the echoes of deep breaths surrounding him and turning him deaf to all pleas. He gripped his faulty, fractured lightsabre, breathing harsh and heavy as if his lungs were burn-scars and ash, and he dreamt of the woman and watched as she slowly fell apart. 

When he truly became Kylo Ren, the flickering, humming red of his blade embedded into his father's chest, he dreamt of her one last time with clear skin and clear eyes, and she reached out to him in torn white and asked him to stop. And he ignored her. 

When he dreamt, he dreamt of the woman with flowers in her hair. Draped and weighed in heavy blue, hands cracked and bleeding; eyes glassy and full of tears. Her skin was deathly-pale and she cradled her pregnant stomach, and she wailed and keened and he watched her suffer. 

Burrowed against her stomach of promises and death-wishes, a little boy with dark hair and dark eyes and a lost expression hid against her, and Kylo Ren watched Ben Solo disappear against the dead woman's memory and felt his insides break in half. 

And he turned away.

**Author's Note:**

> Give Padmé a Name Drop in VIII-IX 2k16


End file.
